onepiece_300 | Quit (the name of the piece, I'm not quitting the com)

Title: Quit
Rating: R to be safe?
Media: Fic
Pairing/Characters: Sanji, Brook, general Straw Hats
Word Count(if applicable): 293 (294 w/title)
Prompt: Addiction

Everyone had tried to get Sanji to quit smoking.

Luffy had gone through Sanji’s things, found his cigarettes, and replaced them with meat. The menu was vegetarian for the next week.

Zoro had tried using force with Sanji. Sanji reacted with force. They both went to the infirmary.

Robin and Nami offered to make out with him … at the same time. Still, Sanji’s addiction to cigarettes was too strong, and he declined – reluctantly, and with tears in his eyes, but he still declined.

Usopp told Sanji that people who smoked were visited in the middle of the night by the Tobacco Monster, who liked to eat smokers and make tableware from their bones. Sanji sent Usopp sailing across the ship, crashing into the rigging. It took an hour to untangle him.

Chopper lectured the cook on how smoking affected his lungs, but Sanji didn’t know what the reindeer was talking about, got bored, and started fidgeting with medical supplies. Chopper didn’t know what was going on until he saw the pill bottle fort filled with test tube soldiers.

Franky tried the brotherly approach, gave him a hug, and started to cry manly tears. Sanji just wanted the cyborg to put him down and found a swift kick to the crotchs worked fine.

All hope was lost until Brooke joined the crew.

“I don’t know why you smoke, Sanji,” the skeleton said one night after dinner as the crew sat around the deck, drinking sake and shooting the breeze. “It’s really bad for you.”

“Yeah? How so?” Sanji said with a laugh. The rest of the crew groaned – like it would work.

Brooke took a sip of tea. “Smoking can cause erectile dysfunction.”

Sanji rushed to the rail and threw his cigarettes overboard.